Written by Cassi Haggard, Staff Writer
3 Tips for Managing Caregiver Anger
As a caregiver, managing your emotions is part of the job and that includes facing your anger. Many people treat anger like a character flaw, as though feeling angry makes you a bad person. But anger is a normal and often useful emotion. Nobody wants to be angry, especially not caregivers who devote their time and resources to providing care for their loved ones.
Yet caregivers face anger for a lot of reasons, like not getting answers or because their loved one isn't cooperating. Anger is often followed by guilt, because caregiving is a generous act, and nobody wants to be angry at their loved ones.
Not enough people talk about the toll of caregiving. The cost comes in many forms: physical, financial, and emotional. In many ways, the emotional struggles of caregiving are the most difficult to tackle. From sadness to frustration, affection to anger, caregivers experience the full spectrum of emotions.
As a caregiver, you might not know how to manage your anger. Here are three tips to manage caregiver anger:
1. Accept and acknowledge your feelings
Avoiding your emotions or pretending you’re not angry will only make the problem worse. Studies have found that repressing anger is unhealthy and can be linked to health problems.1 You’re allowed to be angry, whether that’s because of roadblocks with your loved one’s health or because they’re not respecting you as a caregiver. Your feelings and experience as a caregiver are valid and shouldn’t be ignored. Instead use your anger as a tool.
Recognize what you’re feeling and look at the root cause. Here are four questions that might help tackle your anger.
- Why am I angry?
- Can I do anything about the problem that is causing my frustration?
- What services and resources are available to me?
- How can I improve this situation for both me and my loved one?
As you dive into those questions, focus on problems you can solve. There are many services available to caregivers. See if there’s a resource or organization that can help with the problems you are experiencing. Here are several organizations with information and educational resources to help caregivers:
2. Talk to someone about your anger
Remember that caregiving should not be done alone! That includes the emotional work that goes into taking care of your aging loved one. Anytime you’re facing new and stressful situations, it’s a good idea to talk to a trained professional. You can discuss both your emotions navigating caregiving and any anger you are experiencing. There are many therapists specializing in family caregiving with the experience and ability to help you navigate the tough decisions and emotions you will encounter.
Support groups are another option that may help. Talking to people who’ve also been caregivers offers perspective. This is a place where you can brainstorm ideas about how to tackle difficult scenarios or problems you encounter. You can find local resources at the Family Caregiver Alliance using their
3. Prioritize taking care of yourself
Many times burnout contributes to caregiver anger. Even though your loved one’s needs may seem more important than your own, prioritize taking care of yourself. Studies show that caregivers often neglect their own health.2 Be sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well-balanced meals, and taking time to schedule any preventive care appointments. You need to be healthy to provide the best care possible for your loved one.
If you’re the type of person who struggles with prioritizing yourself, here are some ways to take care of yourself:
a. Meditation – Take time out from your day to focus on mindfulness. Studies have shown that meditation can help with anger.3 We have several meditations in our online library. Try our
b. Do something you love – Whether it’s a hobby, like crafting or baking, or just sitting on the couch watching a movie, make time for something you enjoy. Sometimes prioritizing yourself looks like you’re doing nothing and that might be exactly what you need.
c. Spend time with friends – Friendship can boost your happiness and reduce your stress so don’t skip spending time with your friends.4 Stepping away from your duties can help you gain perspective and come back to your role more refreshed.
d. Find a way to relax – Try out a yoga class, visit the spa, or just put your phone on do-not-disturb and take a long bubble bath. Find what gives you peace and schedule a block of time specifically devoted to relaxation.
e. Take a break – If you need time for yourself, investigate respite care. Respite care is short-term care specifically for when caregivers need time to take care of personal responsibilities, rest, and travel. Respite care is a great choice if you temporarily need extra help.
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As a caregiver, you’ll experience highs and lows. Anger is a common caregiver emotion and not something to be ashamed of. Accepting your anger, seeking support, and taking care of yourself are important to help prevent caregiver burnout. For many people, caregiving is a fulltime job in addition to their career and family responsibilities. Don’t be hard on yourself if you’re frustrated. Take a step back and make sure you’re taking care of yourself. When you need a break, take it.
Caring for an aging loved one is a huge responsibility and an incredible gift to give. You’re doing your best and even when it doesn’t seem like it, the work you’re doing is helping your loved one live a healthier and more fulfilling life as they age.
Sources:
1. Wu, Jade. "Why Being Angry Is Okay (and Even Helpful)." Psychology Today, 1 July 2020,
2. "When Caregivers Need Care." American Psychological Association, 23 Jan. 2020,
3. Hirano, Misa, et al. "The impact of mindfulness meditation on anger." PubMed, 2013,
4. "Psychological Benefits of Friendship." WebMD,
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