How to Help Your Elderly Parents from a Distance

As technology advances distance becomes less of an obstacle, from long-distance relationships to caregiving for loved ones, more options are available than ever before. In the past, many family members felt forced to choose between moving home or feeling disconnected from their parents’ care. Living in a different city, state or even country than your parents doesn’t mean you can’t be involved in their health as they age.

When your parents need help it’s difficult being away. Not physically being in the same location could make you feel hopeless or helpless, but distance doesn’t mean you can’t help. The ways you’re able to assist changes, but you can still be an important part of the caregiving team. Technology has made it easier to contribute no matter where you live, and there are ways you can stay connected and involved in your parents’ well-being. 

As parents age, there are a lot of legal, financial, and medical details to keep track of. Many of these tasks are ideal for a long-distance caregiver and you can help keep your parents organized no matter where you are located.

There’s paperwork, from power of attorneys to medical records, that needs to be accessible to everyone on the caregiving team as well as your parents. No matter your location, you can help keep these items organized. Create a Dropbox or digital location where you can keep track of their will, power of attorney, and any other legal paperwork. Create a list of all the essential paperwork, including personal, financial documents and where they can be found. Upload and update as needed, so everyone knows where to find important information.

Finances are another thing that can be managed remotely. Ask for access to bank accounts, utilities, retirement, and any other accounts. Help budget and schedule payments so that no bills are missed, which will make everyone’s lives easier and financially protect your loved ones. Download any relevant bank and utility apps then set up alerts so you can monitor any changes to the accounts.

If there are gaps in the budget, your parents may be eligible for food, healthcare, or utility assistance. Visit the National Council on Aging  to learn more about available programs¹. 

Balancing physical needs with the background research and administrative tasks caregiving requires can be a challenge. Consider yourself the head-researcher for your parents’ medical and caring options. Sometimes navigating the information and misinformation on the internet can be a fulltime job, so finding reliable information for your parents will be a huge help for their health and well-being.

Depending on your parents’ needs, there’s a lot of tasks you might perform from afar. For example, if your parents have diabetes or specific dietary concerns, you can help find recipes or even meal prep companies with plans that match their diet. If getting groceries is a concern, you can schedule deliveries straight to their house. There are a variety of options including individual grocery store services, Instacart and more.

You can also research doctors, specialists, and treatment options for their medical care. Dive deep into the nearby medical professionals, including what additional services they offer. Take time to read through all the available information, including reviews, to select the right provider. You can also help your parents understand the variety of medical plans available to seniors. To learn more about Medicare and the different plans, visit our Medicare Basics page.

If you’re working with friends, family, or siblings to provide care, create a shared calendar to help keep track of doctor appointments and other important dates. There are several calendar options, including Google Calendar, Cozi, CaringBridge and more. 

When you visit elderly parents, you want to make the most of your time both emotionally and physically. Spending time with your parents is the top priority, but visiting home often comes with a to-do list.

Plan your visits ahead of time so you know if there’s anything to do while you’re there. From performing a home safety check to helping your parents get legal help, visiting isn’t always just fun when you’re also a caregiver. Knowing what’s expected before your visit can help you get more accomplished while also spending important quality time with your parents.

Learn how to do a home safety check here. 

As technology advances, it becomes easier to stay connected with loved ones. Whether you’re using social media, doing zoom calls, calling on Facetime, or texting pictures, consistent communication helps you know what’s happening in your parents’ lives.

Normal phone calls and communication can help you learn about any health concerns and see if there’s anything you can do to help. Whether it’s on the phone or via zoom, make sure you ask questions about their lives: what they had for dinner (and are they eating), how are they sleeping, have they done anything fun, etc. By asking the right questions, you can find out information about their health even if they’re not the type to tell you when they’re feeling sick.

Dropping questions into normal conversation makes it feel less intrusive, but also lets you know if you need to ask follow-ups on any topics or update their caregiving plan. Keep track of any changes they mention and if anything seems important, schedule a doctor’s appointment and let their provider know what you’ve observed.  

If you don’t have any siblings, neighbors, or friends that live near your parents, you may need to find additional help. Different states have a variety of resources available. Visit the Family Caregiver Alliance for a state-by-state map of services ². If you are specifically looking for eldercare, the Administration for Community Living has a state and city search. If your parents are no longer comfortable or able to drive, many health plans include transportation. Additionally, there are organizations that help with transportation for seniors including www.transit.dot.gov, www.eldercare.acl.gov and  www.211.org.

Being a caregiver is an important job, whether you’re doing it from your parents’ town or from somewhere else. Give yourself grace to learn your new role and adjust to being the carer to your aging parents. While it’s often underappreciated work, it’s not unnoticed by those impacted and the impact is immeasurably important for your parents as they continue to age. Caregiving can help make the remaining years of their lives healthier and happier, allowing more time to build memories with you and the rest of your family. 

Sources: 

• How to Get Help Paying for Food, Housing, and Healthcare
• Family Caregiver Services by State