Accepting My Role: Tips for New Caregivers

Even though caregiving is increasingly common, new caregivers often struggle to accept and understand what the role requires. Most people, when planning their life, don’t anticipate caregiving. It’s not a dream job, but an unexpected necessity people face as their parents or other loved ones encounter health challenges. 

If you’re struggling as a new caregiver, you’re not alone. According to a 2020 study, more than 53 million Americans engage in some form of caregiving activity a year.³

Even people with money, time and resources find the unexpected shift overwhelming. Bradley Cooper recently cared for his ailing father. Going from looking up to his father to providing care was an eye-opening experience. Because of his time as a caregiver, Cooper recently partnered with WETA to produce “Caregiving,” an upcoming PBS documentary series that will air in 2025.²

The four-part documentary will tell the story of caregiving and feature stories from caregivers, thought leaders, and experts.²

“Like most people, I didn’t even think about caregiving until my father was diagnosed with cancer,” Cooper said in a YouTube video discussing the upcoming documentary. “I used to dress up as him as a kid, in kindergarten, and get made fun of because I wanted to wear like a suit and tie. And then to go from that to giving him a bath is quite a traumatic thing.” ²

Shifting from being cared for to being a caregiver is a jarring experience.  As you step into this role, now is the time to look at what it means to be a caregiver. This includes assessing what questions to ask, deciding how you can best help your loved one, and learning how to access the resources available to you.

As with many jobs, one of the hardest parts of caregiving is getting started. Your first step is getting organized. Ask yourself these questions:

• What do I need to know about doctors and medical care?
• What do I need from a legal standpoint?
• Do I need to make any changes to my loved one’s home to keep them safe?
• What do the financials look like?
• What about my job and other responsibilities?

That might seem like a lot of questions for a new caregiver, but the tips below will help you navigate the ins and outs of caregiving for a loved one.  

Understanding your loved one’s medical situation is an important first step in helping them navigate any illnesses or obstacles. Once you have a grasp on the level of care they need, including potential changes in care as their condition progresses, it’s easier to create a plan.

Find out what type of insurance they have, looking at the details of the plan including what is covered. Meet with their doctors and ask your loved one to grant you permission to access their medical records. If you can, join them for doctor appointments to help you understand what’s happening medically. With a deeper understanding, you can ask questions and further aid with any medical needs that arise.

When you join your loved ones for appointments, plan ahead  to make the most of the time with their medical team. Planning will help you plot out any questions, answer inquiries about current medication and share any concerns you have or changes you’ve noticed.

Making legal decisions, especially about an ailing loved one, can be overwhelming. It’s also an important caregiving responsibility. If your loved one has not already created a will and a power of attorney document, encourage them to talk to an elder law or estate planning attorney while they’re still able to make their own decisions. It’s a vital step to ensure their wishes are known and respected.

Eldercare legal experts help you navigate everything from power of attorney to understanding a variety of benefits. They have helped numerous clients through the process before, so lean on their knowledge and experience for guidance.⁴

Additionally, it’s important to get any paperwork including personal information, identity documents and contact information organized. Doing this earlier means you know where to find documents when needed.

Keeping your loved one safe and healthy at home is an important aspect of caregiving. They may need to change how they cook, how chores are done, and some aspects of the physical condition of their home. The National Institute on Aging has an excellent worksheet that outlines how to do a home safety check and lists changes you may need to make.⁵

Another aspect of safety to consider is online safety. Online criminals often target older adults. Learn about how to protect your loved ones online . Keeping them safe at home and online will be one less thing to worry about. 

As a new caregiver, you might feel like you’re now a financial advisor. Your loved one could need help managing money, budgets, and bills. Look at their finances so you know what you’re working with.  Look at retirement accounts, assets, and debts.

If it looks like there are financial gaps, check to see if they qualify for assistance programs. There are a variety of options available to seniors including Medicare programs, Medicaid options, food aid, utility help, etc.

Ask to be added as an authorized user on their accounts, including all financial and utility accounts. This allows you to make payments and changes when they need your help.

Burnout is common among caregivers, so it’s important to take care of yourself as well as your loved one. Caring for yourself may involve dividing the work among family members or seeking outside help for certain tasks. Caregiving doesn’t have to be a one-person job. Leaning on siblings, partners, or friends can ease the burden.

You should also look into respite care, which is short-term care specifically for when caregivers need additional time to rest, travel or take care of other responsibilities.¹ Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a caregiver, it means you recognize the limitations of your time and want the best care possible for your loved one.

Learn about the warning signs and ways to prevent burnout  in the beginning of your caregiver journey. Plan ahead to recognize burnout so you know when you need to stop and assess your own wellbeing. Caregivers often neglect their own health, so set aside time for preventative care appointments as well as time for selfcare. To provide the best care for your loved one, you need to be healthy yourself.

Juggling a job alongside caregiving often challenges new caregivers.  The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is there for you, offering job-protected leave. To learn more about how the FMLA applies to eldercare, visit https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/28C-fmla-eldercare . 

Caregiving is new to you, but many experienced caregivers and advocacy organizations have compiled information based on their expertise. There are resources available to help you navigate your new role as a caregiver. Below are a few websites with information about caregiving and aging:

• The National Institute on Aging offers worksheets ranging from home safety to managing medications .
• The National Council on Aging is another source of excellent information for caregivers.
• The Department of Labor guides about FMLA and caregiving  are a must-read if you’re considering FMLA leave.
• The Family Caregiver Alliance has an interactive map listing services available by state.

As a new caregiver, accepting your role and the responsibilities included may be a challenge. It’s a difficult job, often unpaid, and it is added to your full-time job and other responsibilities. Whether you choose to be a caregiver or you’re tasked with this role, you’re doing important and life-changing work. Like any job, nobody expects you to be perfect and you should give yourself grace as you learn this new role. Don’t hesitate to use all the resources and programs available to ease the burden of caring for your loved one.

Sources: 

• What Is Respite Care?
• Bradley Cooper Executive Produces "Caregiving"
• Caregiving in the U.S.
• Finding an Attorney to Help with Estate Planning
• Home Safety Checklist